Wednesday, September 1, 2010

To spank or not to spank.

There's a new fad going on over at Facebook, one that I kinda get, but not really. I'd say about 20-25% of my friend list have "liked" I would rather go to jail for spanking my kids, than for them to go because I don't.

Now, I'm a firm believer that spanking should be in a parent's tool kit/arsenal of parenting. In fact, my 7-yr old just got two spankings yesterday morning.

Now my version of spanking is miles apart from my parents. I was only spanked with a belt, and always by my father (the biggest/strongest person in the house). Once, I was actually "spanked" (I prefer whipped) so hard I had bruises on my legs for two weeks.

My spanking? Maximum of three swats to the butt-leg area with my open hand, just hard enough to get their attention and feel a bit of pain. I don't think Keith (the biggest/strongest person in the house) has EVER spanked either of our kids, and we most certainly have never used a belt or even a wooden spoon on our kids.

By "liking" this spanking attitude, you are glorifying spanking, and if you're hitting your child so hard that you're being sent to jail for it, no matter if it's discipline or not, you SHOULD go to jail! Likely, you've hit your child so hard that you've killed it. Because that's pretty much what it takes to send someone to jail for child abuse.

I get that people have knee-jerk reactions and like "liking" these simple attitudes, and that most people spank their children and are fighting those "peace loving hippies who think violence never solves anything" and telling people to stay out of their personal parenting style. I really get that! But, those "peace loving hippies" are actually right, and there are studies to back them up. Hitting your child teaches them that hitting other people is okay.

And really, the kids that have overly permissive parents don't go to jail, their rich daddies bail them out and pay lawyers thousands of dollars to keep their kids out of jail. The people in jail? They, most often, were the most hit children on their block.

I know that most of the people I know that have "liked" this spanking thing don't actually spank their children that much, and are probably very moderate and loving parents. I just wish they would think about the real message they're sending when they "like" shit like this.


Anonymous said...

I think what it is trying to say is.. I spank my child now, so my child won't be in jail later. As in, I displine now, so they learn respect etc. I completely agree with your form of spanking, and that is how I spank as well.. it's leaps and bounds different than how my parents spanked. I don't think it means, spank so hard the parents go to jail.. and is in no way putting child abuse on a pedastool. I "liked" that one, because I do spank, just how you spank, because I see so many who don't get spanked.. and they should be, and those children are so out of control it wouldn't surprise me at all if they end up in jail.. so yes

I would rather go to jail for spanking my child (I believe two swats on the butt is all that's legal in public here) and like you, it does get to three sometimes lol

then to bail my child out of jail later.


Anonymous said...

guess I could have spell checked that. lmfao .. been too long since i commented anywhere. lol

Suzi said...

Hi Janet,

I agree that a child should never be hit in anger.

The new laws though that came out to try to prevent child abuse in this country, turned sour when it was taken out of proportion by children, and those who believe spanking is never necessary. It got to the point when my older children were in middle school, that they were point blanked asked if they were spanked at home. This caused a lot of children to think that there was no consequences for their actions, like spanking, and that their parents couldn't touch them without going to jail.

When this happened, I told my children, "If I go to jail, you go to the hospital or morgue. I brought ya into this world and I can take ya out." (Of course, I wasn't an abuser, so it offended me that others were trying to dictate to me if I could spank my child or not.)

I don't know if I clicked 'like' on that post or not. lol But it struck me at the time as someone who'd lived through what I did just 10 or 15 years back.

So it's a 50/50, catch 22 on this for me, because I've seen both sides of the coin. I can count on one hand the number of spankings Brittany's gotten in her life of 18 years, but there were times that warranted (IMO) spanking.

For those times, I'd rather go to jail for spanking my child, then to bail my child out of jail later for thinking there were no consequences for their actions.


Keith Sader said...

Not being spanked is not equivalent to 'no consequences', so let's be clear that there are other, and indeed more effective forms of discipline.

Spanking is a last and least effective resort

Janet said...

It's one thing to use spanking in your discipline tool belt, it's another to glorify it. This fb thing is a glorification of spanking, and that is wrong imo. It says that spanking is the first thing I do to discipline my child, and that is, again, wrong.

Suzi, I get that. My kids just started school, so I've not had to deal with anything like that. Although when it comes down to it, I think CPS has more pressing issues than the occasional spanking to deal with and get in twist over.

I get that parents don't like being told that they can't use a certain punishment on their kids, even if it's something they don't really use.

It's like being told to not eat a certain food because it's unsafe, and then getting in a snit, saying you can't tell me what I can or cannot eat! even when it's not something you normally eat anyway.