Monday, December 22, 2008

Mixed feelings, as usual.


Yesterday, I got an email from my mom. The first contact I've had with her since March. Well, I did send my parents an anniversary card back in September, but she never responded, (not that I expected anything in return).

The email was short, the abbreviated version of an update on her and my dad, my oldest brother and his wife, and my other brother (who's married, but there was no mention of his wife, maybe she forgot I KNOW he got married). And there's a package in the mail for me and Josie.

Um, okay.

MARCH. When I found out my brother was getting married in April, and they weren't going to tell me.

Today, my mailman delivered said package. Upon opening it, I immediately recognized a blanket from my childhood. Underneath that blanket was another blanket, very much like the blanket she sent Matthew when he was little, so I know she made it herself. At the bottom of the box was a card for me.

Dear Janet,

Thank you for the anniversary card.

The blue blanket is for Josie. The other one is for you. It is the one Granny made for you when you were small. Thought you might like to have it.


Was wondering if we could get the kids for a weekend or so? Sometime. We really do love you and miss you.

Love Mom

A million different feelings are swirling around my head right now. Anger, love, sadness, missing my Granny, etc... One of the main thoughts is why the fuck couldn't she have waited until AFTER Christmas to fuck with my emotions!?

I'm very glad to have my blanket. Honestly, I'd completely forgotten about it, and I don't remember that my Granny made it for me. But now I know, and I'm old enough to appreciate it even more. I will cherish it always, that's for sure. The two blankets she's now sent to the kids are very sturdy and washable, and will survive the use of two children, and I will pack them away in a few years, saving them until they too are old enough to truly appreciate something made by their grandmother.

As for letting my children stay with my parents, well, I just don't know. Very mixed feelings about that. I'd love a weekend away from my kids with just my husband. But I refuse to let my children step foot inside their "kingdom hall". R.E.F.U.S.E. I'd also prefer that if my parents are going to be involved in my children's lives, they do it more than just once a year. *sigh*

So, we'll see, I guess.

My blanket:

Up close:


Call me Fin said...

NOT cool. Okay, getting the Fucking with your emotions right now....not cool! I'd just say no on the weekend thing, but that's just me!

Donna said...

Follow your gut feelings about your kids.

That blanket is a treasure.

MoxieMamaKC said...

Unsolicited advice from someone who's been in your shoes? Be very, very, very wary about your parents and kids. I have a HORRIBLE relationship with my parents and when my daughter was born 4 yrs ago, everyone said that kids bring families together. Not so much.

When we visit my family, they pretty much ignore my husband and I and shower meaningless gifts and attention on my daughter. So much that when my mom told my daughter one time that she loved her, my daughter asked why my mom didn't like my husband and I.

Kids are smart. It's important to let them know their extended family, but set big time boundaries with your family.

Ordinary Girl said...

I agree with you about being wary. How about your if your mom wants to see your children she might try to have a relationship with the whole family? Or maybe she really does miss you and she just can't say. I think though, your first instinct is right and before she takes your kids for a weekend she moves further towards accepting you and your family as they are.

The blanket is lovely. I have a quilt and an afghan made by my grandmother and I treasure them.

Cate said...

That blanket is wonderful and so special. That was good that your mother sent it to you.

People struggle with trying to reach out to one another. And, when you throw religion in the mix, it complicates things so much more.

I don't have any good advice for you, except to say let yourself feel all the emotions that the letter and blanket bring to you. And, then give your kids big hugs and remind them that you'll always love them ... just as they are. I believe that can be very healing.

Janet said...

Moxie: It's really weird, whenever we're there, everything's normal, they talk to me, treat me as if they haven't seen me in forever (which they haven't), so no issues there, thank the IPU.

It's not their choice to treat me like this, it's their choice to follow that fucked up religion that says they have to shun me. They don't like it, but they do it. Because they're told to.

Really, I just haven't figured out how I want to tell them "No" at this point...

Janet said...

Thanks everyone, I needed the support...